A Fantasy.

I strain my eyes again. Its not hard to ignore one Shahrukh Khan on the big screen, though in the background, when the foreground is shaded with the silhouette of her face and her shoulders, which quite convincingly, snug inside my arms. The raw emotions let loose, I think about kissing her on the lips. But that seems cliched. How about the soft temple, just below her earlobes?
No. Its a bad thing to do. Evil tries to overtake me. I feel the rhetoric hormones pushing my nerves hard, but I refrain.
The movie is progressing. Shahrukh is looking up in the sky full of promising clouds, helplessly.
I give a damn. Let's concentrate on her. I can feel the warmth of her pulse getting conducted to myself through the skin. Shit. Why am I thinking about the concepts of heat transfer? May be last semester the course on air conditioning was successful in taking its toll. I undo some thoughts. Heartbeats were tangible feelings. More than sheer transfer of heat by conduction through the skin.
Shahrukh Khan is crying now. I get irritated. Closed my eyes, feeling the immoral proximity between us two. Like the proximity between a dining hall and a pantry room.

What the hell! Architecture! It should have been the last thing to crop in my mind at this point of time. But like every other 'last' thing, it hits me first.

No, concentrate. My other hand can feel her other arm. Soft, warm skin. It feels pious. And devilish, at the same time. Still contemplating whether to kiss her or not, I realise that I am drifting towards my previous experiences of girls and my expectations from them.

Having a light hearted conversation, a small dinner, and a slow walk on the street before I doze off in my bed.

Watching a movie together and eating out at some place afterwards.

Holding a hand and feeling happy about it.

Kissing someone?

Is it that big a deal? I can see that Kajol has joined Shahrukh Khan in crying over their dead son. As if it made any difference.

I think about the morality issue again. Is it bad to show somebody that you care for her? Should I be answerable to the society for every single activity that I do? Is it that necessary to follow the ethical norms of the people around us?
Is kissing a girl really a bad thing to do?

Whattheheck. I turn towards her face. Barely inches away. Trying to find some connection between Shahrukh's overacting and Kajol's underacting. Too calm to panic if I try kissing her. The fragrance of her hair overtakes me. I inch closer towards her. She's still looking forward. I still inching closer.

Should I? or should I not? Good, or Bad? Right, or wrong?
.
She turns.
.
.
.

(No, neither does the alarm beep, nor does my dream shatter off the slumber. For a change.)

Shahrukh Khan smiles at the audience. I smile back and get off the soft seat with her. Have to drop her off to the metro station.

Alec.
Feb 16 2010.