Headache of my headless soul.

I am frustrated right now. Dunno why. After such a busy day full of activities, friends and fun, i am frustrated... yet another frustration.....

And a blog is born.

Emotional fools... this is my genre... Whom do you call an emotional fool? A Crying moron ?

Kind of. Slight modification is needed. A person who allows other people to make him a moron, by letting them play with his emotions.

Why do i let myself get so much influenced by others' feelings about me? And many times, I first think what the person would be thinking about me, and then i become happy or sad (hehe, mostly sad) by thinking about the thoughts that are supposed to be thought by the person beside me, but actually thought by myself, while the 'so-thought' thinker might not be thinking at all about me, leave alone the correctness of it ....

Ironical? Yes, that is a big characteristics of an emotional fool. To ride on mood swings due to his own thoughts, thought on behalf of others...

My head is aching a lot. And it couldn't produce a more boring post... who knows....
Waise why am i frustrated? Because for me, every thing has become so short lived....happiness...excitement...joy... sorrow... and even frustration...

I am going to sleep. May be there I'll find peace. But hell, that would be short lived, too.
Am I striving for eternal peace? Naaaa...... i am not interested in worthless spiritual preachings on moksha and nirvana and all... those are for those people who are fed up with life... I am not.

Its getting worse. the headache, i mean. I was very happy today. Very jolly. And then i saw someone. Someone Special. And my heart began to beat faster. And i thought what that person would be thinking about me... and then i found something hurting my heart... and then i came back to my room... and then i listened to some music...and then i felt headache slowly creeping in my soul. And then i felt to write.

But it didn't help. The headache has started to meta morph into a soul ache.
I fear myself. I fear solitude. Me.... one who used to sit beside a table and study all alone for more than 12 hours a day during my jee prep days...I can't sit alone for more than 2 minutes. Have become a suicidal extrovert. Always need someone to console myself about my actions...always need someone to explain myself, to justify myself. Am I lookin for a partner? Have got many friends. And they do help. But not to a large extent.
I want that special person not to think bad about me. No, I want myself not to think that that special person thinks bad about me. But i can't control my own thoughts. They seem to overpower me. And i need someone to help me out... of all this headache...this soulache...

I am going to play my guitar. Maybe that will help me. Maybe that will force my brain not to think.

Wait. What am i writing? All this is bullshit. I am confused about my own thoughts, and i should better stop writing now. Someone make me feel happy, someone talk to me. Someone let me reassure myself that I am a normal person.

Yet another characteristics of an emotional fool.He needs other people to reassure himself... like me...
frustration.... headache... soulache... emotional fools...short lived emotions...suicidal extrovert...moksha... nirvana... spiritual bullshit... what an incongruent post!!!

The headache of my headless soul continues...


Alec.